6:21 AM - BEEN UP ALL NIGHT

In the wild world of my life - once again I could only 'cat' nap all night until finally the dawg and I got up, made a cup of coffee. Love my Tassimo. And began to hit the old MAC to see what's up at this time of the day.

Apparently not too darn much. As I was meandering through FaceBook pages I discovered a few scary things - Not actually sure how I found them. In fact I was so astounded I actually thought something was wrong with my MAC - porn on facebook. And not just any porn - disgusting filthy porn that involved bodily functions and sex. How that is fun I'll never know.  To each his own I say, but shit, doesn't facebook watch out for this kind of shit - no pun intended - My eyes and mind have been seriously scarred. How to erase memories???????

Then I began to think back to where I was physically a year ago. I was seriously ill with congestive heart failure. My heart was functioning at 15% which barely allowed me to get from my chair to the bathroom to the bedroom. I was down 80 pounds, looked good, felt like crap.

Today I've managed to gain back 35 hated pounds without even trying - story of my life - but with the gain of a pacemaker and great genes - I'm up to 40% heart activity and can actually walk and talk at the same time. I go up and down the stairs - slowly - but do it and I'm working a few hours every day even more of a bonus. I'm even quilting, something I didn't have the energy to do for years.

Now to get rid of THE HATED FAT - sighing heavily - a battle that has been ongoing my whole life, well since I was 15 - so let's say for 50 years. You'd think I'd have figured it out by now. But I'm just not willing to submit to to the pain of consistent exercise and not eating foods I like and yes that is painful to contemplate as well.

So once again I turn to 'miracle pills' in this case something called Skinny Fibre - gawd knows what is in it - supposedly fills you up. But the thing is, I'm not all that hungry. I just like the taste of food. The feel of it on my tongue, the glorious flavors, the crunch, the mush - everything.

One would think that after actually dieing I'd smarten the fuck up. Sigh - this really is a rambling blog, snicker.